Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just found puke in my bra..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
