ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
