Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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