A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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