I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
