The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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