I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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