I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
