none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
