I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
