Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
