Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do herpes really smell.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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