if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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