Are we in a gay sports bar?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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