not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
