I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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