the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize