her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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