shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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