I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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