The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize