I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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