there's paper in my vomit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
