I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
