After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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