I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We need to get me chipped asap
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
