This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You were trust falling into bushes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
