Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
