I wish life had little blips of pornography
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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