Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
