i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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