in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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