Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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