I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
