we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
