you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
whose parrot is this?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
