I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
