i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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