I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
