chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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