Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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