wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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