so that wasnt chicken after all
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
