i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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