and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
