Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
