You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
