I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
