"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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