You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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