yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
