we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
