i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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