I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
