In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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