Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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