is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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