Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
