If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
