well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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