oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
