watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
