It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
