Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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