girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
