I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
