It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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