apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
jump out the window naked night went bad
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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