so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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