I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
