The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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