K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
