bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
