I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
