is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
