i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
