so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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