Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize