you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
time to smoke my breakfast
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
