I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
